Odd prose from Asia and South America

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Compiled by Jamal Munshi, Sonoma State University
All rights reserved

2005: office memos
  • We could not make payment to the bank on time by deadline that the bank requires which should not happen.
2004: product names and slogans
  • sit and smile (toilet paper)
  • everyday feels like living in a natural resort by the "river of kings". (apartment building)
  • sports club: a place to relax and exercise with sports facilities and outdoor children playground. enjoy your life with your families, friends during your leisure and holidays.
  • golf club: a center for all golfers to enjoy their meals and drinks with friends and families in our restaurant with overlooking views of the golf course and beautiful mountaineous scenery.

2004: sign boards
  • please apologise for the inconvinence
  • bringing your owned food and beverages from out side is strictly prohibited
  • can i have a smile? please speak up. (t-shirt)

2003: thailand food and drug administration
  • sale of alcoholic drinks to children under 18 years old is prohibited.
  • children under 18 years old should refrain from drinking.
  • alcohol drinking impaires driving capability.
  • up to 26% of casualties and deaths from road accidents result from drivers drinking alcohol. this figure rises to 60% during festivals, leading to great loss of valuable human resources, ultimately resulting in economic downturn.
  • food and drug administration has therefore launched a measure to protect consumers from alcohol.
2003: signs at the imperial lakeview golf club, cha-am, thailand
  • male lockers
  • female lockers
  • do not take any responsibilities for lost or stolen belongings
2003: bangkok hospital international medical center
    we have assembled a team of internationally trained doctors, experienced nurses and multi-lingual translators to help you overcome the barriers of languages and culture in every aspect of your hospital visit, always with smile and professional care.
2003: chulalongkorn university, bangkok, thailand
  • fifteen years ago, amidst a continuously expanding economy, a growing middle management sector, with insufficiently trained management personnel, saw the university launch its part-time mba programme.
  • the university brings to the mba sector three most refined programmes, with lecturers almost more distinguished than the courses themselves.
  • its management laboratory is the first of its kind in asia, while there is also a huge financial laboratory, equipped with state-of-the art equipment as well.
  • the five topics will each be presented by both a doctor and a businessman or woman, to give both a practical and academic approach.
  • so successful was the seminar in fact that the university is doing the same thing again this year, with s slightly different theme: innovative management practices for the future, which goes to show just how modern the university has become.
  • it would also be useful and important for us to be good followers, good team players and good supervisors, preparing us to be good ceo's in the future.
2003: palm hills country club, cha-am, thailand
  • observe proper golf Etiguette
  • repair plug marks balls on green
  • be as considerate to the group behind you as you would like the one in front to be you.
  • lockers man
  • lockers woman
  • people swimming attire should be worn
  • property for sale and occupation
  • the palm lake house is surrounded by an indoor courtyard with two bedrooms and three bathrooms.
  • these homes are especially designed for you and your family who enjoy the beauty of nature in your private world facilitated with the 24-hour security system.
  • both of these projects are designed to make every corner of the home to offer the spectacular view of palm trees and various kinds of flowers decorated around the home and within the project.
  • the golf course is fringed by towering palms and broadleaf trees, that roll through the breeze.
2003: advertisements in the bangkok post
  • come to appreciate used volvo car on friday 21 - 23 november served with full meal.
  • drop in to touch quality standard and get highest satisfaction.
  • own volvo selected used cars in special prices.
  • buy today until the 31st december 2003, receive a gold necklace the value of 2 baht.
2003: from a real estate promotion in thailand
  • according to real estate project we have intention to give the good things back to hua-hin by our sincerity and honesty as long as our life.
  • the long park stretch over the project attach with big lake and fresh your life.
  • twin and single house: your worthy price is our proud of.
  • tanaland project has authorized by law to create your imagination.
1998: actual english subtitles used in films made in hong kong: sent in by will

    1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
    2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
    3. Gun wounds again?
    4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
    5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
    6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
    7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
    8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
    9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
    10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
    11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
    12. You daring lousy guy.
    13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
    14. I have been scared shitless too much lately.
    15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
    16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
    17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
    18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
    19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.
    20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.
    21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.
2000: asian travels
    step in at marino and feel homely. (the marino guest house, dhaka, bangladesh.)
1999: from a travel brochure called "naturally costa rica"
    [note: odd prose from this publication has been moved to a non-public file as a courtesy to bill latham. 1999]

1999: from "apprenda ingles para conversar" by humberto ferrer, pueblo publishing, 1990

    get lost of my property please.
    if you soup the motor with a better gasoline you will have a better mileage.
    if you tell rebecca that she is older you will put your foot into it.
    why you don't stick to your compromises?
    stick hard to your studies.
    are you sure that he usually stick people?
    they stuck me with the repair because it does not work.
    drop in us now.
    why did you leave out so important fact?
    please let on my mother-in-law that we won't be attending the meeting.
    why this divorce was brought about?
    edith will give in his demands.
    if you want to give off productions you will have to invest more money.
    these flowers give off a fragrant odor.
    the vase fell and broke down into pieces.
    he never live up his promises.
    did he get use to live in the outskirts?
    we got mixed up with the facts she gave us.
    if you figure out the cost you will not afford it.
    as yet i have not known a word about leonard..
    as of now she did not show up.
    she got stuck in the price.
    he got away the police.
    i don't know how he gets away with his creditors.
    the dessert tastes of garlish.
    what do you go in for on the week ends.
    if you hold on my hands i cannot help you.
    who thought it up that clever idea?
    if you don't take pains in your duties you will be fired.
    get in touch with me all day long.
    do you know her only by sight?
    to hold up people is a serious offense.
    if you harden your requirements he might run away.
    the set on fire the plantation.
    the dog bit off her legs.
    if you try to tell one from the other it will be impossible.
    there were no enough breads to go around.
    are you putting on weight recently?
    how you can bear day in and day out all his tricks?
    modesty is valuable but showing off is intolerable.
    she broke up the bread in pieces.
    he chopped up the meat in beefsteaks.
    all the clothing is dried up.
    the signs warn the drivers to slow up.
    what are they up?
    he did not beat about the bush and came directly to the point.
    until when will you fool around uselessly?
    if you stir up that problem here it won't be convenient.
    he stood me up after been waiting a long time.
    watch on julius because he will try to get the better of you.
    they broke loose of the seige and nobody could find them.
    if you pay so little amount it will be a steal.
    lewis is playing up to her new rich friend.
    during the hold up he kept his head all the time.
    you should not cut in our talking.
    why don't you cut short your explanations?
    if the ammunition gives out they will have to surrender.
    will you hold out such influences?
    if my resorts hold out until then i will not give up.
    if you turn over so rapidly there will be an accident.
    let her alone with her own thoughts.
    if you let leonard alone everything will be successful.
    i want to break off with this uncomfortable relationship.
    all your pains will wear off with this new pills.
    we will buy out directly from them.
    you should take advantage of the selling out.
    we don't catch on the meaning of her enigmatic sentences.
    did you catch on his intention?
    daniel put his shirt on outside out.
    which of your brothers you take after most?
    you cannot go farther out of gas.
    if you run out of food you won't be able to stand up.
    the old man was ran over for a reckless driver.
    the collision broke out in a street.
    their phone has been loused up for a month now.
    he loused it up when he opened his mouth.
    give them some help but don't go off the deep end.
    if you go off the deep end you'll spoil it.
    he has been losing his touch as a first sales clerk.
    let us kick it around until we have further notices.
    to arrive on time you will have to put yourself together.
    they are looking up in all their plans.
    if i were to visit so important family i would get all dolled up.
    he cracks a book from time to time.
    do you want to trade in your new car for my old one?
    this store trades up the whole merchandise.
    with a few simple words he was eased out.
    can you find out what makes the customers tick?
    even if you laugh at his own face will never get a rise out of him.
    if you let your interest slide in your studies you won't